The Sweet Spot

Having successfully crested the ten-year mark of my military retirement, I have drawn some hard-won conclusions about the paths we should seek to find a Sweet Spot in life after transitioning from hallowed professions.  The navigable terrain we must traverse during and following major life changes can be fraught with uncertainty and challenges as we move forward into new endeavors.

Most people of “retirement age” share common sentimentalities where they can recall with absolute clarity the earliest moments of their lives filled with early family memories, their first loves, school experiences and their decisions, both fruitful and disastrous.  Visions of our past are certain to bring both warming assurances and the soulful pangs of lessons learned (hopefully) that have seasoned our wisdom.  Emmitt Fox defines WISDOM as the perfect balance of LOVE and INTELLIGENCE.  Age deepens and softens our love of family, friends and the world around us, and does likewise for the objectivity of intelligence as a safeguard to the hazards of love without conditions. 

So too, this moment provides a forward-looking field of view of the future.  While it lacks the clarity of the paths we have already covered, it provides a sense of where we need to go in these remaining years and what lay before us.  We see our children growing, our parents aging and leaving us, friends remarkably begin to look like old people and the world around us retracts to a much more local environment.  I recently replaced leather hiking boots that I have worn since college and confess pausing to acknowledge that my new boots may be the last pair I will ever buy.  Though healthy, my body can’t do what it once could and I am now thinking of buying my firewood instead of cutting it myself.  As I age, my thoughts and emotions become much closer to their ethereal origins and I wake up at night wondering where the girl I took to the prom is living and if she had the life she so richly deserved.  Silly, perhaps, but very real in that I wonder if I will ever see people whom I have loved so deeply and shared so many of life’s experiences in different eras of my life ever again.  I deeply grieve the injustices of youthful folly such as the little girl from the trailer park who sat alone on the bus and in the cafeteria at lunch because her dirty clothes smelled of cigarettes and cat urine.  Where is she now?  I wish I could tearfully beg her forgiveness for the cruelties of children who just didn’t know any better.

To help guide you through this period of transition, I have set four cornerstones to assist you in navigating paths forward to a “sweet spot” in your lives that is sustainable and richly rewarding.  I will label these guideposts, “the four P’s” to help you remember.

First and foremost is PURPOSE.  Having left professions or long standing circumstances to which we dedicated our formidable years will inevitably leave vacuums in our lives.  It is therefore most critical to engage in purposeful endeavors that bring us satisfaction and, quite frankly, keep us busy.  This should be an elevated purpose that has an altruistic quality in the form of giving back to our families and communities.  It need not necessarily come in the form of building a new empire, business or embarking on a new profession, but it may be in the skill set of your previous vocation.  To expand on this principle, a retired military member may choose to work in the veterans’ community or for an agency that supports veterans.  I would not, however, encourage retiring veterans to remain in the military as contractors or in other capacities that essentially prolong their entrenchment after deciding to leave military service.  This would be true of teachers, for example, who retire from teaching, but remain as office help or substitutes.  There needs to be a break, although those tenured skills sets can be deeply valuable in different settings such as mentoring new teachers, tutoring at risk children or serving on school boards and advisory councils. 

The second “P” is PEOPLE.  As we age, our circle of friends and associates becomes more refined and begins to retract like the rest of our environment.  With whom we choose to associate at this time in our lives will likely be a blend of close family and those friends we have always kept close.  “The Facebook” is an artificial source of social engagement, but I deeply enjoy watching a group of my women friends from high school fulfill this tenet with frequent meetings and lunches.  It brings me much joy in seeing their perennial humor and closeness thriving after fifty years of friendship.  There is a true assurance and continuity that with all the uncertainties of life swirling around us, these friends have remained inseparable past, present and future.  Their example is one to which we should all aspire.

The third principle is one of a more practical nature as our POCKETBOOKS.  Achieving financial security throughout our professional lives is a somewhat obvious end state of working hard through the decades.  Still, leaving our professions and often the income associated with them, like any major change, requires a reset of expectations and habits.  During this period of our lives, the turbulence of family changes, home ownership, children’s educations or unplanned medical expenses can rapidly influence our plans for financial security.  Many of us enjoy working longer than others because we do truly enjoy it, while others are working later into their lives because they simply have not reached the levels of security they desire to fulfill this principle for a sound retirement. 

Finally, and perhaps most importantly, is the concept of achieving PEACE in your life.  It is often said that “busyness is the tyrant of our day.”  There needs to be a mindful stillness and quiet gratitude that we can enjoy in our lives at this point, which provides the time and space for introspection and personal reflection.  Though a personal and often solitary need, this peace is to be shared with our loved ones without distraction or preoccupation.  It also needs to be a daily, habitual and disciplined practice whether it is an evening sit lakeside, in the garden by the fire pit or walking and talking in the evening with someone you love.  Take the time, make the time and do it every day.  You will be richer for it and sleep better at night.

As we all enter this next era of living, let us all endeavor to forge a Sweet Spot in our lives that will bring us great satisfaction, health and prosperity.  I encourage you to adopt a disciplined approach to securing an elevated PURPOSE, surrounding yourself with PEOPLE who contribute to an optimistic and uplifting world view, making sound planning decisions to secure your POCKETBOOK and finally bringing PEACE to your lives by seeking and accepting stillness in a complicated and noisy world.

Bless you all, Jack